


Left Unsaid

by WatchforWitches



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Gen, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, M/M, Malec, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 09:24:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17322323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchforWitches/pseuds/WatchforWitches
Summary: Alec is waiting for Magnus to return home, but Jace beats him to it. Alec and Jace have a much needed conversation about Alec's relationship with Magnus, Jace makes sure his brother is happy.





	Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this because the show literally never gives us any reason to think these two are close other than when Jace has a problem or one of them is dying. They are parabatai I feel like we at least should have a scene where they talk about Alec’s sexuality, since Jace grew up with him and everything, idk. Frankly they should talk more in general about Alec and his life but I figured this was the place to start.
> 
> Jace actually gives a fuck about Alec’s love life and how he struggled with his identity growing up, the fic, essentially
> 
> Set like mid season 2

Alec was lying on Magnus’ couch reading a book when the door opened. He made a move to sit up, thinking Magnus was perhaps back from his meeting earlier than he said he would be. When Jace walked through the door, he was only slightly disappointed. 

It was almost strange to see him here, it was odd that they should run into each other without meaning to. It was different when they saw each other at the institute, it was work, home, comfortable. This was a place owned by neither of them, they were both here for very different reasons. It was almost awkwardly intimate to see his parabatai in this context. “Hey,” Jace called, walking slowly towards Alec, almost certainly trying to gauge whether or not Magnus was home, if he was intruding or not. 

“Hey,” Alec replied. He tried to keep the awkward defensiveness out of his voice, but he felt a little of it slip out anyways. “Long day?” He asked, trying to shift the focus to his brother completely. 

Jace blew out a breath and rubbed his neck, “You could definitely say that,” Jace agreed. 

Alec nodded, he knew that Jace had been on patrol for at least 10 hours if not more, he knew how taxing it was. “You want a drink?” He offered, feeling somewhat like a host even if this wasn’t his place.

Jace shrugged, “Sure,” he agreed, taking a seat on the couch as Alec got up and poured him a glass of whiskey. He put it on the table next to his own drink. It was still weird, that they were sitting and drinking in a home that wasn’t theirs. 

“Magnus out?” Jace asked, reaching to take the drink from the table. 

“Yeah,” Alec nodded, “He’s at a warlock meeting I think.” Alec knew for a fact that was where he was, but he wasn’t about to throw his feigned casualness away now. 

“So how are you guys?” Jace asked between sips, “I know you never really talk about your personal life or anything. But, I don’t know we haven’t really talked much since the wedding happened.” 

Alec felt the familiar prickle between his shoulders, the awful feeling he got in his stomach when he had to talk about feelings, something he didn’t do well or enjoy. But this was Jace, he had talked to Izzy about some of it, and Jace knew what he was feeling anyways. “We’re good,” Alec spoke, rubbing his hands together to keep them occupied. 

“Good? That’s all I get,” Jace laughed slightly jostling Alec, “Come on man I want the details. My brother leaves a girl at the altar for a very fashion forward warlock I want to know more.” 

Alec huffs a laugh at this. “I don’t know, you know me I don’t talk about feelings. I like him, I really like him.”

“I mean I would hope so,” Jace smiles at him. “So what are you guys? Hooking up? Dating?”

“No, we never- we- we’re,” Alec stammered in attempts to find the words, “Dating. Yeah, we are dating. He’s my boyfriend.” The words still felt a little cottony in his mouth, like he didn’t quite believe it himself. Like the title of boyfriend wasn’t one that Alec would ever have or say. 

“That’s great,” Jace clapped him on the shoulder, “I mean that you are boyfriends. And taking things slow, based on your stammering response to the hookup question.” 

“I feel like you wouldn’t abandon someone at the altar for someone you were hooking up with,” Alec responds with, half in favour of avoiding the question of Alec’s sex life now hovering there, and half because it was true. 

“If it was really good sex you might,” Jace shrugs and Alec shoots him an incredulous look. “Kidding! Seriously man that was one hell of a coming out, I’m proud of you, you deserve to be happy.” 

“Thanks,” Alec smiles, and the two of them drink in quiet for a moment. Alec felt the alcohol buzzing in his head. He wasn’t tipsy, but he wasn’t completely sober. There was a question swimming in his head that he wanted to ask Jace, had wondered in a panic for at least half of his teenage years. “Did you ever know?” 

“Know what?” Jace asked, “That you and Magnus are dating?” 

“No,” Alec shook his head. “Did you ever know that I was gay? Like growing up?” Something in him was very aware of the fact that it was technically the first time that he had told Jace he was gay. 

Jace thought for a moment, toying with the words inside of his head. “I don’t think so,” he replied honestly, meeting Alec’s eye, “I mean not really. For awhile I figured you were just a late bloomer or something. You always got this dark look in your eyes whenever Robert talked about girls, this pain that was just below the surface. And you were always annoyed anytime Izzy or I talked about our crushes when we were younger. I just thought maybe you were more private about that kind of stuff for awhile. There was this one time, we were 16 I think- no maybe 17- I’m not too sure, we were out on a mission and there was a mundane couple, two guys, holding hands. You sort of got this look on your face, everyone thought you were just tired that day, out of it, but I felt this weird pained longing through our bond. I didn’t know if it was yours or mine, I didn’t want to ask, I didn’t really put it altogether. I think Izzy and I both noticed them because it was just something we had never seen in Idris or the institute, but I don’t think we really thought you noticed them for any other reason than us. It was just little stuff, like that. I had thought it a couple times but I didn’t think I was right and I didn’t want to ask you. I figured you would tell me, eventually, if it was the case. Hell I talked to you about girls all the time, I mean I still do now. I always felt this tug from you, this hidden secret.” A darker look of a guilt pulled sympathy painted Jace's expression. “Alec you buried it so deep even I couldn’t tell, not for sure, and we are parabatai. I didn’t want to think that we had grown up together and you had kept this part of yourself hidden from me, from everyone. I didn’t want to think you spent all that time hiding.” 

Alec let the weight of this settle onto him. He was always so scared, always so sure that everyone knew, most surely his parabatai, his brother, who he had let himself think he was in love with for years. “I didn’t really know what else to do. It’s not like there are a ton of gay shadowhunters. It’s one of those things we don’t talk about, one of the things that if you are, you pretend you aren’t.” Alec shrugged at this. “There were times I wanted to tell you, but,” Alec swallowed thickly, “Anytime I thought about it I just remember dad telling us about his parabatai Michael, about how strained their bond was when dad found out about him.” 

“Michael was in love with Robert,” Jace tried to reason, “That was different.” 

Alec shot Jace a wary look that told Jace more than any of his words ever could. That Alec couldn’t tell Jace, because it wasn’t different, because Alec had thought he was in love with Jace. “Oh,” Jace swallowed, fiddling with his glass, letting this new information rattle around in his head. “Really?” He asked, not unkindly, just in genuine disbelief. 

Alec shrugged, “I mean, no, not really. At the time I thought- I was confused. It was easy to hate myself for thinking that I was in love with you rather than accept that I was just gay and it was a different longing. It was easy to make myself think that I loved you, because I could never have you. It was a weird way to focus the pain, the self hatred thing. I realized, after a while. That I wasn’t in love with you.” He met Jace’s unwavering eyes at that, “I wasn't in love with you.” He had to quickly look away at that, he could barely believe he had said it, let alone to Jace. But he needed to say it, for himself, to finalize it to himself in some way. Acknowledge that Jace knew everything about that part of his life, why he had shut him out of it for nearly 10 years. 

“Do you still feel that way? The self hatred stuff?” Jace asked quietly, carefully. He asked because he knew that if the answer was yes, he’d be crushed. Alec was the best of them, Alec deserved everything and then some. 

“Sometimes,” Alec said, “Yeah. It’s all really new. It was easier when no one knew, in a weird way. But, it’s better now. With Magnus. He’s helping. But you never really outgrow that kind of prejudice, I guess.” 

Jace wished desperately, that he could take all of that pain from Alec, that he could make it better, but he knew that he couldn't. It was their entire system, their way of life that had made this feeling a part of him, it would take more than a couple weeks of being out and in a relationship to fix that kind of broken. “For what it’s worth Alec. I’m glad you came out. I’m glad you told me all that. I’m glad that Magnus makes you happy. You’re the best person that I know, the best shadowhunter. What you did sets an example for the future shadowhunters. Maybe, one day, there won’t be anymore kids afraid of being true to themselves. Maybe one day this whole backwards system will fall. But for now, at least, I’m glad you are happy, and I support you 100 percent. I’ll always be here for you, if you need me.” 

“Maybe,” Alec agreed, nodding hopefully at the prospect of a brighter future. “And thank you Jace, seriously, that means a lot. More than I can say. You know I’m always here for you, too.” 

Jace held up his mostly empty glass to Alec’s and waited for Alec to clink their glasses together, draining the last of the whiskey. It was then that the front door swung open, Magnus falling into the loft like the grand king of it that he was. Jace watched Alec’s face light up at his arrival. “I’m going to head to bed,” Jace told him, “You have fun.” He winked at Alec before leaving to the guest room he was staying in. 

Alec watched Jace leave, thankful and happy, and then turned his attention to Magnus. He got up from the couch to meet him halfway in a hug, “Long meeting?” Alec asked softly into Magnus’ ear. 

Magnus huffed a laugh at the question, pulling back from Alec, hands still grasping his biceps. “They always are. You know immortals Alexander they have no attentiveness to time. Even if one of them has a very handsome shadowhunter waiting for him.” 

Alec felt his cheeks heat at this, still not used to Magnus’ compliments. “Well, I’m glad you are back,” Alec said, leaning into kiss him. 

“Mmm,” Magnus sighed into the kiss, “As am I. I hope you weren’t too terribly bored waiting.” 

“Nah,” Alec shrugged off the concern, “Jace and I were just chatting for a bit before you got back.” 

Magnus nodded at this, “Well that’s good then. What did he have to talk about? All his Clary problems I presume, or maybe something about that seelie girl he’s definitely sleeping around with?” 

“You know Jace,” Alec laughed at this. He would tell Magnus the whole truth later. Once he was settled in and Alec had kissed him as many times as Magnus would allow him to.

“Ah well,” Magnus smiled, “What can you do.” 

Alec smiled to himself as Magnus maneuvered around him and deeper into the loft. He sat on the couch and let himself sink into it, throwing his head back and sighing. Alec walked back to the couch and decided to just climb onto Magnus’ lap, the alcohol from earlier giving him enough of a buzz to let himself have what he wanted. Magnus smiled and brought his hands to rest on the sides of Alec’s thighs. “Why hello there.” 

“Hi,” Alec leaned closer to Magnus now. 

“Someone has a plan I see,” Magnus smiled brightly at this bold development in his boyfriend. 

“Maybe just a little bit,” Alec agreed before leaning down to capture Magnus’ mouth with his own. Because screw it, he was going to let himself have what he wanted, at least for tonight, at least right now. And Alec wanted Magnus, who made no movement other than kissing Alec back with the same enthusiasm he always did. 

Alec decided that Jace was right, he deserved to be happy just as much as any other shadowhunter did, just as much as Izzy or Jace himself. He might not have always believed it, and he certainly wouldn’t always believe it. But, he believed it right now, in this moment. And Magnus made him happy, made him feel everything he thought he would never have, so, he let himself have it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Sorry if there are any spelling or grammar errors, I wrote this pretty quickly. Kudos/Comments/Feedback all very welcome!


End file.
